Why is love so hard?
I just wish I knew who my future boyfriend is already. I don’t want to deal with all this dating or getting to know each other. It’s nice but I really hate it because either the guy becomes clingy or they don’t want to be serious. Really? Why waste my time?
Then there’s the aspect if the relationship will last. I see all these relationships who have made it all these months and years and I’m over here like “I like pizza”. I just want a fun stable relationship. I just want to be fucking happy.
Third. There’s the feelings for exs. I hate it. Why do our brains do this. I understand remembering the good times but I don’t want to remember the bad times too. I just want to forget everything because I can’t be with them. Once I start to remember, feelings come back and I’m like “oh god I miss you”. The fuck? Most of my exs have girls and I’m here all alone. I just don’t want to have feelings for someone that doesn’t even find me attractive anymore. I want to get rid of my feelings.
Lastly. I don’t know what’s wrong with me? I’m a pretty smart girl with goals. I don’t cheat. I really enjoy sex and I’m extremely kinky (frequently I might add). I have a great personality. I have a lot of patience especially when I love you. The only thing “wrong” with me is how I look. I’m decent/average looking and I guess I’m kinda chubby but I’m still cute I guess. I have a nice smile if that helps.
Why I hate feelings:
Feelings, emotions, and love suck ass!
Our past blocks me from being from him
I’m guilty of worrying too much
So I decided one day to sit down and talk to myself
I’m not crazy for your information
I just asked myself a few questions
To help me not to be anxious
Not to be so upset
Basically not to care
They were simple questions
Will it matter?
They don’t want to be with me
They don’t want to go places with me
They simply dislike me
Does it matter?
I’m not like her, them, and the others
I’m just eccentric
I’m a loner
Why should I care?
That I wasn’t the prettiest
That I wasn’t the smartest
That I wasn’t liked by anyone
When I’m 30
Starting my practice
Married to my one and only
Blessed with a few kids
Living a stable life
Will all these situations matter then?
And the answer is…
No. No. No!
I sit back and smile
I may be going through hell now
But it won’t matter soon
All these misfortunes will just be stories
Stories how I got so strong
I could tell these to my children, patients, new friends
I just have to accept that these bad times
Will just make good stories later
Moral of the story
A bad life is just a good story